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The beginning of the beginning

Lubka Tencerova

When I was fifteen my friend died of leukaemia and so I wasn´t feeling well mentally.The fits of panic started to manifest themselves.I don´t know if any of You knows about it.It went away but recurred every winter.I grew terribly thinner, didn´t eat for five days and just trembled….. The beginning of the beginning

It´s often said that every beginning is difficult.I´m 27.I was born in a Christian family.It means that as a child I had to attend Mass on Sundays and religious holidays.It struck me as boring because I had to go to church.My old parents are strong believers.I started understanding my faith as a pupil of fourth form when I began regularly going to church from my own free will.I started attending church on first Fridays of the month for nine months in succession when due to an accident I experienced the clinical death.

I found myself at hospital where I shared the room with a nun.She tended me, talked me about Jesus and was very nice.Then I told her that I hadn´t died at the accident because I hadn´t finished attending church on first Fridays .It means that you won´t die without the confession and without being ready to death.She only smiled …In the course of time I started forgetting about the Lord and began attending the secondary school.Alcohol, cigarettes and discos were part and parcel of my life.

 When I was fifteen my friend died of leukaemia and so I wasn´t feeling well mentally.The fits of panic started to manifest themselves.I don´t know if any of You knows about it.It went away but recurred every winter. I grew terribly thinner, didn´t eat for five days and just trembled.My mother and I started going to church.But only because I wanted to save myself.I was thinking only of myself.It all passed….I went to work abroad where I forgot about everything…Italy, England, Austria and now Germany.My brother was atheist until he became acquainted with a woman via Teletex who was almost blind and a strong believer.She sent him a few prayers, rosary and things like that.

One day He texted me an sms:“My sister, I found out that the Lord loves me I can´t describe it, come home!“And so I returned…in the meantime, he started praying for me and my sister, for the purification of our souls.All of a sudden, my sister started having fits of panic and when I returned home it recurred to me as well.However, at that time I didn´t know what it was.My body was purified.My brother took me to church so that I might confess my sins and at the same time my nephew went to the first Holy communion.I went in and burst into tears.I cried my eyes out but wasn´t absolutely ashamed of it..

After the confession I went out feeling faraway.But the fits of panic persisted, I was scared stiff and worried.As the shivers didn´t go away I tried to mitigate it by drinking alcohol but it recurred in the morning.I was afraid of the dread.I subscribed to the group Coram publico via Internet.It´s a prayer group, everyone was praying for me…even myself…they are cool…until out of the blue everything started to go away.I began to feel better.I understood that the evil within me comes from the devil and only GOD is stronger than the evil and the evil is stronger than the human being.At difficult times I imagined the devil and in spirit I mocked at him and called my Lord for help immediately.

 
We mustn´t be afraid.The Lord is with us and he´ll help us because He loves us immensely.Trust Him and you´ll be saved.I thank Him for helping me.I never want to experience those five months of dread and crises again nor wish anyone in the world experienced it. Lord, stand by me and by those who need You.
 
  
 
Lubka Tencerova, Biberach – Germany, October 2004
 
 
 
 

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