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Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
1 John 4,10

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My life

gabriela sykorova hyllova

One day I told God: “I don´t know if my smoking is a bad thing, but if you don´t like it take it away from me, please.I can´t manage it by myself.I stopped smoking from day to day…..without going cold turkey, without putting on weight….miraculously.
My life became miraculous because I knew there was Someone standing by me who´d loved me unconditionally and protected me.I experienced a few healings, for instance when….
My life

 

 

I decided to write about the most important and wonderful thing in my life.I´ll have to start from the beginning so as to get to the bottom of the matter….

I was born by the marvellous parents who had given me and my sister Tinka a really beautiful childhood and constant feeling of love, understanding and acceptance.In spite of that I was often at a low ebb during my puberty that was accompanied by the thoughts of the meaning of life, feeling of loneliness and emptiness.At the secondary school we were such a happy bunch there and and so, we build our personalities by opening our hearts to each other when we were at the hall of residence spending days and nights together.As well as these days we started giving variety to our lives by smoking, drinking or by smoking weed that had become my greatest love for a couple of years.In spite of the fact that I had never acknowledged „pigeonholing“ people, I began to judge them by how much interesting they had been.

Many times this yardstick, by which I´d measured the others, was smoking ganja.It was sufficient for me to get to know that someone was smoking ganja and immediately I found him all right and easy-going.It goes without saying that those people, who didn´t smoke weed and didn´t live in the same way as I did, struck me as terribly boring and uninteresting ( maybe in the same way as they´d find me nowdays ). My closest friends and I became firmly convinced that the one who didn´t feel blue was superficial and silly.I painted dark morbid and often perverse pictures.I had the impression that the only thing which was worth living for was the freedom and the way of free expressing myself.I wanted to do what I liked regardless of the circumstances and people. I didn´t want to have any limits or to be restricted by anything and anyone.I was always saying to myself “why should I take care of myself ? To be fit in the grave?“ So, it´s crucial to live it up and get the best out of my life…I smoked two packets of cigarettes a day,then I got loaded took a few hits and flew high as a kite.Several times I also tried out other things than weed but fortunately, I was rather afraid of it ( thank God ) because I knew if I´d had a harder drug I might have gone made.Who knows where I´d have ended up if I hadn´t have this feeling in my heart….It were my feelings that I followed out in every situation.

And one more thing.I was very fond of turning people´s heads.All I did the way I behaved myself and looked outwardly…I wasn´t satisfied until the whole Wenceslas square´d turned round me.I enjoyed the moments when people hadn´t understood…It´s hard to explain here but those who´ve met me know very well what I´m talking about.

One thing´d come before all this happened.The thing was that I´d believed in God in my first year at the secondary school.It was very sincere and when the day of my baptism arrived I got into troubles because my family was atheist and the word god´d never been spoken about.My mum backed me up but my dad wasn´t able to put up with it.It was for the first time when my parents talked about divorce.Thank God it was sorted out and closed by my father buying me a big illustrated Bible.I was sixteen and I was trying to live according to everything that I´d heard in church but after one year my faith simply cooled down.There was something, such as prayer after the confession and various other things that reverberated in my head.In this way I gradually plunged into the “life of freedom“ I´d written above.

I met Didi ( my present day´s husband ) in the first year at university.He was completely different from the other men I´d met up to that day.We went steady for a couple of months and lived our debauched life when Didi began getting together with some Christians.First, it was all the same to me but when I noticed his change, it started annoying me.I was afraid of him becoming a fanatical Christian.My idea of Christianity was the synonym for the boring and uninteresting creatures who didn´t know how to assert themselves – tesil trousers, sallow face and indefinitely small signs of life…..:)

Once Didi and I went to a musical meeting where there were some Christians.I was very surprised by the fact that they didn´t fit my pattern on the contrary, they had something that I hadn´t even noticed on my friends.What puzzled me was how they´d behaved to each other.There was a strong harmony and love among them – sort of a true love.

At this period of my life I was always dispirited and also disgusted of what the world was like and what we are like…
I was longing to find some equation which would be my equation of the life.I always knew that there had been some spiritual life and I was looking for the answers to my questions.Wheather in astrology, buddhism or hinduism but I´d never found my desired freedom.And if so, it was only for some time.I knew God exists but I conceived  him as someone very impersonal who was somewhere far away.

Only one day an odd question crossed my mind : Who´s my master? It sounds strange but I knew there were only two possibilities: God or devil.I had the sense that the events were often out of my control  and I didn´t rule my life by myself.I simply wanted to answer sincerely my own questions.And I knew it wasn´t God…It gave me the creeps to my suprise and something moved in my heart.

A couple of months passed and I had the feeling like being unable to breathe.I wanted to see beautiful blue sky but the sky was similar to the low ceiling in the small room.I wanted to see colours but everything was sullen and dull.The feeling of the emptiness rotated with the desire for running away somewhere.And at that time Didi and I were deciding where we spent the New Year´s Eve.We could go to the weekend cottage or to a party in Prague but in the end I told Didi for some inexplicable reasons to go to the worship: ).

It stands to reason that nobody understood it not even my parents at home…I always regarded New Year´s Eve as a terrific celebration – something like “organized looking forward to it“.For the first time in my life I experienced something that´d shown me the sense of New Year´s Eve.There were various bands and programmes.These people full of indescribable natural love for other people and for each other prayed for the city, families and strangers during the passage from the old year to the new one…And what was crucial, God was there as well.I could feel Him so intensively that the only thing Didi, his friend and I ´d been able to do was to ask God to teach us to live the life according to His rules and forgive us our horrible life up to now.

On January 1, 2000 I became a completely new woman.Those disgusting dark colours disappeared and the scales fell off from my eyes.I started seeing nice, wonderful and juicy colours…The weight was lifted off my shoulders after many years..I felt as light as a feather.Breathtakingly beautiful New Year: ).And my life was really new.I stopped smoking weed because I didn´t need it anymore. 

One day I told God: “I don´t know if my smoking is a bad thing, but if you don´t like it take it away from me, please.I can´t manage it by myself.I stopped smoking from day to day…..without going cold turkey, without putting on weight….miraculously.

My life became miraculous because I knew there was Someone standing by me who loved me unconditionally and protected me.I experienced a few healings, for instance, when I scalded my hand and then, the scald vanished after five minutes of Didi´s prayer.

God began speaking to me when I started reading Bible.He spoke exactly into these concrete situations in which I´d found myself.

I found the equation of the life! God´s found me.It goes without saying that during all these great experiences I met with incomprehension or with the fact I was put on the scap heap by the people around me.Nevertheless, I´ve been left with my true friends until now :)

There was chaos in my house.My sister Tinka – a punk who as opposed to me liked satanism…)

However, God touched her as well.Later when my parents´d seen the change they also gradually “converted“.God is great.The life with Him isn´t full of bans as I thought but full of new possibilities.

I don´t need to smoke cigarettes or weed anymore because I´ve got a many-coloured world that isn´t without problems but I know I´m not alone.

Nine years ago this New Year´s Eve and I would never exchange it.
 
                                         Gabriela Sykorová Hyllová, January 2009, Košice
 
 
 
 

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