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No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
1 John 4,12

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Jesus´s made the first move toward me

Jaroslav Jaroslav

….Erotic movies.I often looked forward to watching Tv undisturbed by my mummy who worked as a doctor on night shift….

My name is Jaro.I was brought up in a Catholic family where we´d often prayed and went to church regularly.My brother and I served as altar boys.We were model and active altar boys who made especially the old women happy.We took part in the various Christian pilgrimages and made excursions with other boys or with child choir.We´d lived our “Christian life“ happily until we started to see the world differently from our parents and our faces came out in spots.In 1989 the iron curtain fell and besides other modern conveniences the satellite broadcasting started in this country.I didn´t mind the fact that I didn´t understand it because I was especially interested in those programmes where – as I found out with time – there was no word “love“although you´d have expected it. Erotic movies.

I often looked forward to watching Tv undisturbed by my mummy who worked as a doctor on night shift.Beside the fact that I didn´t find any love there another problem arose: every time that I watched such a movie it was sheer agony when I was in bed.Nowdays when I try to recall it I don´t know anymore what it was from.Then I couldn´t fall asleep the thoughts ran inside my head and the pictures from these movies emerged.In addition, I felt embarrased about the fact that I attended church and on the other hand I behaved in this way.I didn´t know what to do about it and when nobody knew about it so, nobody could advise me either.The devil kept me in a tight spot.I was in my second year of the grammar school when I started “leaving“ Christianity slowly and joining those who´d thought that there was inexhaustible quantity of mistakes and unanswered questions in it.Once – it happened after a fantastic night – we organized the trip for the young people from our church where they were just trying to make “a spiritual intermezzo“.I rode out patiently their effort and prayer looking forward to the evening.Indeed, it arrived together with my favourite Tv programme.However, when it finished I felt rotten.I saw how much I´d marred this beautiful day.I was ill at ease.Suddenly, I started asking God for help.For the forgiveness.For the new start.Well, it began working.I could feel that God had been with me and that he´d given me his hand.I could feel him cleansing me and taking all the layers of dirt off me and as if he´d told me he liked me despite all these sins.I was filled with enormous joy, peace and such a faith then that I´d have been ready to – as it´s often said - go through fire and water for Jesus.I was praying and giving thanks for a long time.And it was only the beginning.When I woke up in the morning I found out that nobody´d had to make me go to church or pray the Lord´s angel at noon.

 
 
It came out of me and of my heart.Jesus´s made the first step toward me.I was sixteen and since then I started joining those groups at school who´d been first silent when the religion was blackened but later began defending it.That very summer I took part in the spiritual retreat “The Oasis of the new life“ and during the confession I experienced complete undeserved forgiveness that had reduced me to tears.Since then, I´ve gone through different stages when things were better or worse but I know now that God really touched me at that night and in this way our common journey started and I´m very thankful to him.Nowdays I can testify to the fact that God acts in this sphere.The temptation and sin didn´t vanish from my life but it happens very rarely and moreover, I know what to do: have recourse to the Lord confess it regret it and receive a new chance.God is just and faithful.“If we confess our sins he is just and faithful – he forgives our sins“.Another important thing was to free my mind from focusing and thinking about my sins in this sphere of life – it held me very tight.I always thought about my sinnfulness and how much I departed from God.I was unable to look at me in reality and notice some of my bright sides.Nowdays with God´s help I´m capable of switching off Tv and not watching it or stopping the temptation right at the beginning.I´ve found these things impossible before.I praise God our Father who knows all our needs.It seems to me that at the present time the devil is trying to attack girls more strongly, so I bless everyone and wish they had powerful God armament and fantastic undeserved grace.
 
                                                                                  Jaro from Slovakia
 
 

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