Ježíš

Since my childhood I´ve prayed God to help and protect my mum, sister and me.When I´ve broken something, for example a pot, immediately I prayed on my knees so that everything might turn out well.During those years respect and gratitute to the life grew in my heart.I felt the longing to give the best I could to all the people.

I left my home as soon as possible, it was right after school-leaving exam and set up my own harmonical and quiet house.I forgave everyone since you can´t go on without forgiveness.So my life could seem to be idyllic – perfect partner in life, abundance of material things, good job and good relations with the others……but the satisfaction and the sense of fulfillment didn´t come.On the contrary the abyss somewhere in my heart deepened.

Almost for all twenty-eight years I was just calling but didn´t open the small door.About a year ago I started having very live, dreadful and paralysing dreams when something evil and difficult to describe wanted to come beside me and even enter into my body.In most cases I felt like screaming and calling for help but it was impossible to move nor to speak.After waking up I was worried and fearful and tears flowed down my cheeks for a long time until I finally calmed down….I was woken up at about midnight or exactly at 3.p.m. ..I didn´t understand …I always prayed the rosary until the dawn.

The sleep became for me a symbol of fear and I´d prefer to be still awake.I was about to see a psychologist, looked for help everywhere and studied information about nightmares but I didn´t find the answer to the question what was happening and why.

These night attacks of the demon didn´t stop and I was completely exhausted and desperate…in addition, I was afraid of confiding in anyone….lots of times I felt strong urge to take my life…it was an exhausting fight.Satan made an attempt on my soul!

I spent hours of sufferings and tears on my kneels..I wouldn´t wish these experiences to anyone.Far from it!!! I´ll always try to spread the salvation of the Lord!!! It´s this experience that shows me how necessary it is!!!

I didn´t go to the church and didn´t know why….but before this Easter I was longing to go to the church of Assumption of the Virgin Mary and so I went there.Immediately after sitting down on the pew I experienced unspeakable love and feeling of beauty as if I really returned home.It was my real and true home.I felt as if I´d sunk into the tenderest arms...I felt rescued…I just wept.

It was only the first little step but it was essential first step in the right direction.

( 1 John 2 ; 12 – 13 ).

Kateřina Pumprlová, Kroměříž, 8/2010