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He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
1 John 4,8-9

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I was thinking of the suicide

Jana Kanitrová

….And so, I slowly began to talk about how Jesus had changed my life that was exactly identical to their lives… I was thinking of the suicide

I want to share with you my experience with God and what has been teaching me.After twenty years I`ve been at the reunion of my former classmates.On that day we welcomed each other with joy and sized each other up.Who was who then we visited old school and our classroom and remembered various stories.We were a good bunch, liked each other and get on very well.Later on, we went to the restaurant to have sumptuous dinner.

There went on the party, everyone was talking about themselves, about their successes, family, wives and husbands.Some of them were talking about prominent posts, about their successfully studying children, about their modern flats, houses, beautifully appointed cottages according to the latest fashion and fantastic cars.The pictures circulated…so I don`t know why but it came to my mind – they don`t need anything else.However, I intensely realized that although I didn`t have almost anything from this “super”stuff I had the greatest gift – I know Jesus and with him I`ve got almost everything.

The party was at full swing, wine diminished but the red faces increased.Gradually, it was obvious how the false masks of achievements and contentment were falling.
God taught me through the separate examples of my classmates.He showed me the pain in their hearts, emptiness, sadness, desperation, their own efforts, tiredness and endeavour to manage it all by themselves.
 
There were envy among the colleagues, broken relationships among old parents, children and grandchildren, hatred, infidelity of married couples and their present life just for the appearance´s sake before people only because of children and money - life that was without real love.
 
He showed me their days when they were unable to answer their own questions – what will be tomorrow or in a week´s time? We´re growing old and falling ill – all this chase,pains,efforts, exhaustion - and why?
He showed me what the life is like when He´s missing there.When you miss Him – Jesus in your life.
 

And so I slowly began to talk about how Jesus had changed my life that was exactly identical to their lives.He got me out of the dense mire.Once, when I was about to end it all and think of the suicide I called to God crying:“Will you help me, please.What shall I do?How shall I carry on living? And he heard my prayers.He sent me some people who`d met Him personally.

 I opened Him my heart and surrendered my life over to Jesus.- my past that was similar to the scattered house of cards, the difficult present and the future that was precarious for me.He filled my heart with hope and love.He gave me the strength to forgive those who`d done me wrong.Gradually, the single areas in my life improved.

I began living in a really happy manner.I don`t need that fantastic stuff but I need Jesus.They didn`t understand.They didn`t believe that those lives could be somehow improved, put right or packed up.They didn`t believe that Jesus isn`t the repairman of broken things but creator of new ones.They didn`t receive.

I asked the Lord on my way home and all next day:”Why, Lord, why couldn´t I tell them more about you? Why didn`t they want to hear you can help them?? And on the third day the Lord answered me through the mouth of my sister from the Christian community that is my marvellous spiritual family:”Don`t care why!”You`ve sown the word of God in their hearts.Everyone has the liberty to make their own decision.I`m glad to have made the right decision four years ago.

 

 Jana Kanitrova, 40 years old Cadca

 

 

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