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I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
Revelation 21,6-7

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I hoped even though I was ill

Lydia Smílková

After a few months of disease I heard those words many people were so afraid of:“You are seriously ill.You´ve got a scarce tumour whose cause and treatment have been unknown so far.We´ll have a try at irradiating you and giving you chemotherapy.The prognosis is uncertain – you may also have only several weeks of life.I thought it all couldn´t have been true. I hoped even though I was ill
When Peter and I were getting married, we were young, healthy and full of romantic projects.Life was a wonderful adventure for us.At the time Paul was finishing his medical studies, our daughter Dagmara was born.She was a very lovely and pleasant child we´d been duly proud of and we simply wanted for nothing.

Since my childhood I´ve been afraid of not falling seriously ill.However, suddenly everything changed.I was twenty-four and my daughter was four months when I was taken ill.

After a few months of disease I heard those words many people were so afraid of:“You are seriously ill.You´ve got a scarce tumour whose cause and treatment have been unknown so far.We´ll have a try at irradiating you and giving you chemotherapy.The prognosis is uncertain – you may also have only several weeks of life.I thought it all couldn´t have been true.

 
I´m looking for help
 

When you are ill there is only one thing you wish – to be well again.I gradually got through the prescribed chemotheraphy and irradiation.We were looking for help wherever we could.We turned to the eminent doctors in this country and abroad.Quite a number of my friends offered us in good faith various remedies that were sure to help.Nevertheless, my state of health deteriorated.My husband and I are Christians.We believe Our Lord holds our lives in his hand and that he leads us in the everyday matters of human life.However,I have to admit that although I believe in God´s help I relied much more on the help of human beings.Once I read these words in the Bible in the book of prophet Jeremiah:

   “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
   who draws strength from mere flesh
   and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
   whose confidence is in him.
 

These words struck me like a bolt from the blue.All of a sudden, my eyes opened and I came to know that it wasn´t God´s problem but mine and my approach to the illness was wrong.

I only trusted God half.I set my hopes on the human.And that´s why God couldn´t do anything for me.I pleaded God to forgive me and decided to subordinate to his will provided that He´d lead my life in the best direction.Since then, there had been a radical change.It wasn´t us who looked frantically for the greatest experts in medicine but God himself started sending us doctors who´d had some experience with this kind of illness.They suggested the treatment that I´d undergone trusting in the God´s help.During several months my state of health improved considerably.Nonetheless, I can´t forget the most important thing - every treatment was accompanied by my prayers and by prayers of my family and of many other believers.

 
The real miracle
 

More than 30 years have passed since the onset of my disease.We experienced lots of miracles in our family during this time.I´ll mention one of them.One day ( about seven years had come by since the beginning of my illness ) I began feeling strange.During the examination at the oncology I was told there was something amiss.It looked as if there was a large tumour or cyst in the uterus.Another physician, who wasn´t informed about my condition announced me calmly during the more detailed ultrasound scan at the gynaecology:“It´s the twentieth week of your pregnancy, here are little legs and hands.“

It was really shocking.Nobody was able to believe I was in the family way.After all, as a result of my oncologic condition that damaged my hypophysis, my hormonal funtions were out of order.On one hand it was a happy finding but on the other hand we knew that right in the first months of my pregnancy I had chemotheraphy and X-Ray of stomach.It dawned on us that both the radiologist and the experienced internist had overlooked signs of pregnancy in the X-ray pictures.We were told there was little likelihood of our child being born healthy.

Conversely, one can assume that some of child´s organs won´t develop or will be damaged.My husband and I went down on our knees and asked for the God´s help and the lead.When we´d finished our prayer we stood up assured in our hearts that we´d keep the baby and accept him or her ( as he or she would be ).We felt that we didn´t have a right to abort pregnancy.

In four months and eight days since the moment when I had first learnt of my pregnancy, our son was born.He weighed 4.25 kg and was better off than the children of healthy mothers.

Physicians who thought rationally didn´t find the least health problems when examining our son carefully and with emotion they considered this unusual case as „a miracle“.

Recently, our son´s celebrated his 23 birthday and he is finishing his university studies with success.I remember those days when I prayed to live to see my daughter being five.The amazing thing is that my oldest grandson will be seven.
 
I hoped even when I was ill
 
I´ve been fighting my disease up to now.Not long ago, I´ve undergone a brain operation.It looked as if my life drew to an end.It hasn´t been and it isn´t easy but I can tell you I´m living in the internal peace that originates in God and isn´t dependent on the external circumstances.

However, the only thing I´ve been afraid of during all my life was not to come down with some serious disease.

I know I don´t need to fear of death because I´ve got an equanimous relationship with God.He forgave my sins and thanks to his sacrifice on the cross I´m reconciled with the Heavenly Father.I know if the Lord called me off from this earth I´d go to the Kingdom of God.I can witness to the fact that God is really powerful and glorious Lord who hears your prayers.It´s worth trusting him.

 
 
Everyone can get to know God personally
 
God loves everyone and he´s prepared a plan for them to lead a full and happy life.Nevertheless, the human being is sinnful and deserves death.The sin separates him from the Holy and Righteous God.That´s why God sent his Son - Jesus Christ on this earth.He died for our sins on the cross.He is the only way to God and the only possibility of forestalling the consequences of our sin.Each person has to receive Jesus Christ personally as their Saviour and Lord.We receive Jesus through our faith and through the personal prayer.The prayer is a dialogue with God.The Lord knows you as well.It´s not important how nice words you choose when praying but it´s their sincerity that means a lot to God.Jesus wants to come into your life as he´d promised.You can pray in this way:“Jesus Christ, I need you.I´ve sinned against you.I surrender my life to you and I plead you to become my Lord and Saviour.I thank you for having died for me on the cross.Will you take the lead of my life and change me to become that sort of person you want me to be?
                                                                              
 
                                            

Lidia Smílková, June 2009, published with the kind permission of BTM

 

 

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