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I disliked going to confession

Pavla Genzerová

It was always an unpleasant duty for me.So, I often extended the intervals between each confession and was always happy when it was behind me….. I disliked going to confession
I´d like to write about my experience from the life with God.

 I was brought up in faith and until quite recently I´ve had some problems with confessing.It was always an unpleasant duty for me.So, I often extended the intervals between each confession and was always happy when it was behind me because I´d be calm for a while and wouldn´t have to humble myself again.I simply carried out my duty as it was required.

When I started living in friendship with God two years ago so, I began attending one congregation.There we were taught by our leader how we should confess.We prayed for the gift of the repenting heart and later for the gift of knowing ourselves.I was told to pray for the priest who´d confess me.I´ve never done such a thing.I started praying for the knowledge of my own sins and for their sincere regret.More often than not, I didn´t feel any great regret.And it´s so important for us to stay humble.I was praying for two years like this and I was taught to confess.Some days it was worse, some days it was better.

Last autumn I read a testimony in the Catholic weekly about the woman who had also problems with the formal confession.She wrote she was adressed by St.Faustina who was writing in her Daily the words of Jesus Christ who´d talked to her.“When you´re going to confession be aware of the fact that that´s me who´s waiting for you in the confession box.I´m only disguised as the priest.Never analyse what kind of priest it is and open your heart in the confession as if you were before me and I´ll fill your soul with my light.Even the most saint and wise confessioner can´t put forcibly in your soul what he wishes if this soul isn´t sincere and open.And when this woman began praying for her confessioner and open your heart more her confession changed in joy.Joy from the infinite sea of God´s mercy and forgiveness.It made a strong impression on me.
  
Then, another friend of mine told me she was also looking forward to the confession and after that, she walked on air.And I told God I also wanted to experience the confession like this and wanted to experience the joy of the prodigal son who was embraced by the loving father and everything had been forgiven to him.

 So, I said during one confession that I´d read that evidence and I felt awfully sorry I wasn´t experiencing such a pleasure from confession.It was a terrible formality and all the time I was rather afraid than joyful and I didn´t feel any particular regret.However, I wanted it so much.I was expecting reproof and patronizing attitude.The priest was silent for a while and then said:“I haven´t heard such a sincere confession for long.Nevertheless, I was „shocked“.In the end I waited for some advice what I had to do and how to confess better.And the confessioner told me:“If you go on like this, you on the best way to God.“Well, I didn´t expect anything like this!Nonetheless, my heart wasn´t empty anymore because was filled with joy.I cried during next confession and wasn´t even able to get everything out of me.I´ve never experienced it.I felt great contrition over my sins and left with great relief.Before the Chrismas confession I prayed for my confessioner and for my confession to be sincere and open.The confessioner was a completely strange man but I was capable of telling him lots of things and wasn´t afraid to open my heart more to him so that I wouldn´t meet with a lack of understanding and go down in his esteem.

I didn´t remember what other things he´d told me but there was a fantastic peace in my heart after this confession.I was experiencing this closeness of the Lord for about next three days.After this experience I´m not scared of confession and even begin looking forward to the next encounter with the priest – not with the priest in the confession box but with the loving and merciful God himself.However, it´s not possible without our prayers.

 
I realized again that we expected from the Lord so little.We liked „staying in the same old rut“ and didn´t expect anything but we could receive so much!
 
I want to encourage all those who have the similar problems or you´re desperate.Believe more in God and pray! Many times in my life I made sure that when I was unhappy about something and I besought God to help me from the bottom of my heart and in tears that He always helped.It wasn´t always right away and in the way I immagined but the problem was always sorted out somehow.
 
 
 
 
Let God stay with you!
 

Pavla Genzerová, Zlín

 

 

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