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Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
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I´ve loved black metal

Monika Raszyková

So heavy metal.Great, nothing against it.I´m just saying it´s a good devil´s instrument.Am I a fool?No, I´m not.I found it out in my life.At the beginning there was a kind of flashing as well. I´ve loved black metal
At last I decided to write this evidence.It may help people which are or were “struck”in the same manner as I was.Seven years ago when I was fifteen I literally fell in love with the musical style typically called “ heavy metal”.That wouldn´t be so weird because this musical style is listened to by every fifth person.After all music doesn´t kill…does it?It can´t be blamed for anything….
Everything seems to be innocuous at the beginning….Gradually I was getting from Metallica to much more extreme bands.There are wide range of metal “understyles”and lyrics here.First, I translated the lyrics and some of them seemed excellent to me.They were allegorical and equivocal but I didn´t get the point at that time.I chose from them those which I´ve just liked.
The topics were diverse but mostly they dealt with the darkness, perversity and innermost feelings of the performers.Some extoled the heroic deeds, the others roamed the black woods and hung around the cemeteries, others took delight in the countess Bathory´s bloody orgy.Somebody put himself in the masskiller´s position and someone invoked the devil….”Satan, you ruler of the whole world.My faith in you is as strong as a rock….”/ Root / or “The village´s burning, I´m walking alone at night taking a short cut across the field, the dense smoke´s all around me and I´m at the end of my tethers losing my consciousness still being awake and the devil´s leading me down to his ones…”/ Master´s Hammer /
You´ll be evidently interested in my then attitude towards the Christianity and the God itself…
So what?I was a believer after all.I come from the family that believes in God.My daddy often gave me evidence about the God and I was interested in it but my intention of doing something was weak.And what about the heavy metal lyrics?They aren´t irreproachable…I´m not interested in these lyrics – I defended myself - I´m only interested in the musical style and heavy metal is just the style like anything else only a little bit harder!After all not only the heavy metal singers extol Satan.So do the pop group you never thought they had it in them….Don´t you understand it? Nothing happens.You cannot understand this singer
so take it easy!
O.k.I may not understand him but God understands him….He understands very well how this wretched man insults him…..
Finally one thing crossed my mind / it has been recently when a friend of mine asked me why Christian couldn´t listen to the heavy metal/.
Imagine that you´ve got a friend who means a lot to you.You spare no effort so that he may love you.Name him for example Frank Koudelka….Once Frank Koudelka comes to see you and you´re just listening to your favorite group whose singer is shouting into loudspeakers at the top of his voice:” Frank Koudelka.You bastard!!!....I´ll crush your rotten skull!…”You´re trying to make him believe that you can´t speak English and you don´t understand the lyrics nevertheless your friend understood it all very well and he burst into tears and went away being sad…why?You´re just interested in music not in the words….!But your friend didn´t get it and he never wants to see you again.Sure.Is it possible?Yes, it is.Only instead of this name let´s try to put another one.The name which everybody knows in this country - both godless and believer..The name that´s the synonym of the truth and love, the name that´ll redeem us….Jesus Christ.
Now I must cry when I realize what he had to suffer for me and I repay him by listening to those damned bastards who are only insulting and ridiculing him. For no reason at all.He´s never done anything wrong to them after all. He´s never hurt anybody.And which of the blasphemers knew him? Nobody did! So why? Jesus didn´t command anyone to do anything,he´s never said:You must do this!
As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them ,I don´t judge him.For I didn´t come to judge the world but to save it.”/ John 12:47 /
He came to redeem those who´d believed him and if the others don´t like it, it´s just their business which don´t mean they´re going to  call him names.It´s strange when I imagine that I´m going to curse the person who wants to pull me from the pond because he´s only afraid of my drowning….Perhaps I can swim but even a good swimmer can get drowned…..even in the mere spoon of water…No other name provokes the people as much as Jesus Christ.Why don´t they take exception to for example Buddha or Mohamed?Buddha allegedly said at the end of his life:”I´m still looking for the truth”.Jesus said:”I´m the truth….”Why nobody wants to believe him and the majority prefers accepting the Buddhism?If Jesus lied how come that his words are coming true right now? This is really very fitting...”Brother will betray brother to death , and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death.All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved./ Matthew 10:21,22 /
“People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. / 2 Timothy 3:2 ,3,4 /.
So heavy metal. Great, nothing against it.I´m just saying it´s a good devil´s instrument.Am I a fool?No, I´m not.I found it out in my life.At the beginning it was a kind of flashing as well.You´re trying to look different than the others.You´ve got your own style.You walk along the street and notice how people goggle at you.You simply want to step out of the grey mob.Then you say to yourself, it´s a nonsense.Image is of no use, follow the instinct.That´s it.Do you find blokes in black leather pants with axes in hand and painted faces tough?Are you most impressed by them?But why?The normal person would say they´re nuts! The uniniciated can´t understand it. It´s strong, the circle you can´t get out of. However, this is no prank and superficiality,this is a life style and obscure philosophy.Black metal isn´t suitable for the cowards.You can´t play with fire without burning yourself.Sure, I´m not really interested in the lyrics! Not at all.However, you can´t pull a fast one on Satan nor can you pay him off.Later, when you are over the worst you realize how much this stench changed you.Outwardly it may not be so drastical but rather strange things are happening inside you….What´s become of me?I was often unable to account for the thoughts of the following sort that crossed my mind:what if I killed myself, this life is of no use… or glancing at my good friend I said to myself in spirit:I hate you, you silly cow…This thought didn´t come from me.After a while I recovered my composure – what I´m saying is horrible! The worst thing was I had feeling that there was”someone” inside me, “someone” wicked who imposed these loathsome thoughts upon me.Although I was a “believer” I felt uneasy in some Christians´ presence.Is it possible that they had different spirit…?I preferred mixing with disbelievers and Satanists as well.On the contrary I talked to them about God and suggested them that their faith was wrong….Total schizophrenia! I read stories about Satanists and horrors rather than Bible.As a matter of fact, the Satanism itself originated in the basis of Bible so I browsed through the book of Revelation and thought about the beast 666 more than was appropriate for a person who was supposed to be Christian.
One fine day I lazed about at my computer and searched for some interesting MP3s on Internet.Actually, Internet was a wonderful source of musical entertainment for me.I always found what I needed.So one fine day I entered the chamber of a pagan black metal band.I don´t know how it is possible / it haven´t crossed my mind before / but my attention was drawn to the visitor´s book and suddenly I was anxious to know what the people were writing about and I´m going to write to them as well.An interesting discussion was taking place between the members of that band and a “ Christian” whose name was Radim….I was a little bit surprised and I took Radim for a fool when he risked his neck and cast pearls before swine.One hardly knows whether he is on his head or his heels when he reads how some mortals are speaking about Christians and Christ….and you´ll be hated by all because of my name…Brutality and violence are just the mark of primitives.
I agreed with Radim but on the other hand he gave me a pain in the neck as well.Some time later I decided to write him something about me because I came to believe that he considered me as a defender of atheists´ rigths.So I wrote to him in a nutshell who I was what I believed in and what I thought of him / simply, it was pointless what he was doing because you couldn´t convince such people / Nonsense. He wrote me back he´d been once the same as they were and this was very amazing for me.He also wrote he didn´t listen to the heavy metal anymore because it´s a bad thing which made me angry.Yeah, it made me angry.I made some futile attempts to explain him my feelings.Thank God, his arguments were stronger founded on the Word of God :
No one can serve two masters./ Matthew 6:24 /
This sentence simply tripped me up.And what shall I do now?
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.It is better for you to lose one part your body than for your whole body to go into hell./ Matthew 5.30 /.
So it´s cruel!, Fortunately, I needn´t cut my hand off it´s enough for me to throw away all the cassettes and CDs.But this is really cruel! Could we do it in a different way? For example, I´ll be only listening to some softer things – perhaps doom or Christian metal? Such a smaller compromise….Damn it! Cut it out! It may stop itself.But when? It may be too late then.Who´s stronger then – the one who´ll yield to temptation or the one who is able to have self-control?
I´ve met Radim in Brno for the first time where I came to the concert of my beloved Immortal.Later, we used to meet more often….At that time I didn ´t know anything about the rebirth.I didn´t understand it.I´m already a believer…What else  do you want from me? Ask Jesus from the bottom of your heart to forgive your sins – Radim says.
In reply Jesus declared, “ I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”/John 3:3/
That if you confess with your mouth,”Jesus is Lord”, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you´ll be saved./Romans 10:9/
Well… sure, I´m going to do it someday.One fine day, yeah..it´s not so simple, no great fun.This “ fine” day happened in a couple of weeks.You have no idea of how it was difficult for me.I was weepy and I appealed to Jesus but somehow it didn´t want to come out of me.As if somebody cut my tongue out.I felt “somebody´s”presence that prevented me from saying that.There were me,Radim and “someone”else as well.I daren´t say who it was.
Now, a couple of months´ve passed since that day and I can feel that a lot of things´ve changed in my life.Nowdays I know that visit of visitor´s book wasn´t pure chance.Maybe the Lord couldn´t see me anymore riding for a fall and sent me someone who´d given me this imaginary sock.I´m afraid of thinking how far I´d go if I didn´t pull myself together in time.Thank you, Lamb.Your death wasn´t in vain.
Monika Raszykova, duben 2003

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