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Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1 John 3,16

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He is smiling

Lenka Stonišová

As I was about to appear before the Lord himself, my whole body started trembling without reason.You can´t call it shivers or stage fright, I didn´t perceive my surrounding.I just stand there.So close… He is smiling

This week there are folk missions in the parish of Ostrava-Třebovice.Those who´ve experienced them know that there´s a mission speech on the different topic each Mass.

Today being full of expectations I´ve hurried to the Holy Mass with the talk „EUCHARIST CELEBRATION“.The church was packed with people so to be on the safe side I took a seat in the organ loft.

It was magnificient.Nice words and thoughts…..that were ringing in my ears but I don´t want to analyse them here.
 
 There were no intercessions but the priest asked us to say our supplications and everything that we wish to surrender to Him during the adoration that was at the very end of the Holy Mass.Someone brought a small table with incense.We were called to approach Him.Either the whole family or individuals as the representants of the family.And we can kneel down, confide him all our wishes, sorrows and joys….A grain of incense was put on the cinders They might have looked into its eyes….and the priest added that it´s better to stay in the pews than to come to Him unsincerely.

People were coming and the organist was playing and playing.A few moments later, I happily joined the crowd.The crowd, which had once followed Jesus so that they could listen to His words or touch His garment, came to my mind. Just as I was about to appear before the Lord himself, my whole body started trembling without reason.You can´t call it shivers or stage fright, I didn´t perceive my surrounding.I just stand there.So close.And not only myself but my whole family.My mum, sister – everyone – was with me there.Out of the blue it dawned on me what is written in Luke 7, 6.That I´m not worthy of His coming to me.I could feel His holiness, purity and divinity....and what about me? I could feel my weakness, sinfulness and my mere humanity.Tears welled up in my eyes.I wasn´t worthy of looking into his eyes and smiling as the priest encouraged us to do.Such a weakness…Let´s call a spade a spade – there was no humility on my side but I realized how many times I behaved agaist his commandments.Deliberately I liked to go away from Him by acting and thinking in a different way ( Oh, yeah )…Just in a few moments.I realized my greatness…..I was so tiny!

 
The words of one song have crossed my mind:“I´m feeling the weight of my sin before Your Face, My Lord.At that moment my eyes were full of tears and my body was shaking all over.I raised my eyes to Him who was displayed on the alter and „looked into His eyes“ and you know what?....He was smiling…He was smiling in a so beautiful and fatherly way that I had to return it.As if my trespasses were of no consequence.I groped about for some grain of incense, put it on the cinder and returned to my pew.I hung my head and wiped my tears.
 
  

As I was next to the flight of stairs to the organ loft, a friend of mine ( the mother of three children ) that was kneeling there, grasped my hand and looked at me in a very nice way.I was pleased with this gesture but at the same time I was also a bit surprised….It may be granted me to understand its meaning in the matter of time.

I´m kneeling and looking at Him.I´ve opened my hymn-book but I´m not singing with the others.Silently the divine glare hypnotizes me.

Let nobody tell me there´s no God.I´ve been within His reach today!
 

Lenka, Ostrava, February 2011

 

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